observations from week 1

Well, birth was insane. But for now I want to jot down a few things from his first week:

- Right now we can't really tell who Asa looks like, his face is kind of a shape shifter but our best guess is that he looks like me head on, and he looks like Zach in profile and when he cries 😅

- The first time he heard water was very cool. I was getting ready to feed him and he was crying up a storm. I brought him into the bathroom to fill up my water glass in the sink, and when I turned it on he immediately stopped crying to listen. Was a very serene moment.

- it's very odd adjusting from being pregnant to not. I noticed how different I felt most when I was sleeping- I kind of felt like a newborn baby myself. Even with the blankets on I was shivering and I felt so small and pathetic in the bed. I normally need some space to sleep but I found myself curled up around Zach to try to stay warm. So bizarre. 

- the late night feeds are really hard. Last night I really just wanted to sleep and when I woke up to feed him I found that I was clutching a pillow to my boob and definitely thought the pillow was Asa at first. Guess I thought if I fed him in my sleep then I wouldn't need to actually get up and do it. This has happened twice.

- whenever Asa's done feeding he makes this horrible, scrunched up face and shakes his head around and flails his arms wildly

- it can be really hard to get him to latch when nursing. He seems to go for everything except the actual target, and gets his hands in the way so it's really hard for him to reach, so my wrist and forearms are sore from wrangling him. He's his own worst enemy. But once he's on there he's good to go and seems to have figured out how to adjust his latch even if while wrangling him I can't quite get him on there perfectly.

- the night we brought him home from the hospital we were absolutely exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. We brought him upstairs to the bassinet, did a half hearted wind of the mobile, and when it stopped a few seconds later, as if on cue, he promptly fell asleep. We were sooo thankful and it was also kind of hilarious.

- the first few days when I was just feeding him colostrum were hard. He seemed to want to do these marathon feeds and I wasn't sure if he was using me as a pacifier or not, but had heard letting baby go to town was good for your milk coming in, so I went with it wasn't getting much sleep. My milk came in on Friday and he generally started having shorter feeds after that, although he does randomly gorge himself sometimes. 

- I continue to have crazy, baby related dreams that often involve some kind of chaos me losing track of where he is. Clearly my greatest fear as I had some dreams like these pre pregnancy as well.

- the lactation consultant at the hospital made me feel kind of bad at one point because I sort of lost track of time trying to rest and contact people and I realized he hadn't fed for 4-5 hours. In the beginning, they are supposed to feed every 2-3 hours, so it could be bad for the baby to go that long and could be bad for your milk production. So when we first got home, I was setting my alarm in between feeds even if it was at 3am to make sure he wasn't going too long without eating. Not once did my alarm ever go off because he was waking up hungry prior to that so I stopped setting my alarm. Now that he's surpassed his birth weight in 10 days the pediatrician said we could let him sleep and not worry about time between feeds, although he still hasn't given us longer than a 3 hour stretch

- he's a little fat boy and he's so dang cute... Zach and I love to look at him, but also laugh at his antics. We are pretty entertained although I think papa is tired of changing his diaper every 5 minutes. 

Good bye bump hello baby- week 40

 Almost there:

Had a low key bday on Saturday since we didn't really know if I'd be in labor or not. Went on a decently long walk on Sunday and felt exhausted when we got home. Also started feeling some light cramping...I went upstairs and took about a 2 hour nap. When I woke up I still had cramps, so I called the midwife number to let them know. It's 4am now and I woke up because the cramping has continued. It's gotten a little stronger but mostly feels the same, definitely not full on contractions yet but seems like the wheels are in motion 😁

This is great because while I physically feel well enough, I don't want chunks in my belly too far past 40. We'll see what happens tomorrow but I have a feeling I won't be working.. I'm supposed to have my rescheduled appointment at 11am which I guess we'll go to unless the cramps start to feel more labor-y

40 WEEKS

Did the baby come today? No. Did I tear up when Zach sang me happy birthday because I realized chunks and I wouldn't share the bday song? Maybe

Was feeling very lethargic in the morning but my energy picked up as the day went along. I at least got a good swim in and had some foil wrapped desserts.

Zach got a vid of my lap, was too big to upload here so f had to put it on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/MYGqKlqyg-I

hail to the bump- week 39

Last week (maybe?) of preggers life. The nursery is pretty bare bones after cleaning it out but it is functional. We repainted but aren't set on the color, we might repaint again... I have my work desk in here now that we set up the bassinet in our bedroom and there's no room in there anymore. I don't like having my work desk in here but there's no where else to put it. It is cord mania at the desk with my two large monitors and it is increasingly hard for me to manage it because I can no longer comfortably bend over my belly- when I do I feel liked am crushing chunks' foot. I have to get in a squat position and grope around while I try to crane my neck over my belly without leaning forward. 

Wanted to compare week 39 to week 13: 

Week 13:

WOW. I've gained about 30-35 pounds. When I first looked back at the week 13 picture I was kind of shocked, I was very tiny. Will I ever look like this again? I don't know, I don't mind a little extra weight actually but maybe I've just gotten used to it.

I am kind of anticipating that this baby is going to be late. Zach and I are always late, so why would our baby be on time? My co-worker said it will just be genetics if he comes late :)

After trying on like 6 labor gowns, I finally found one that I like. I think I may have tried on more labor dresses than wedding dresses...since I want to move around during labor, I really wanted to make sure that I was wearing something that would be comfortable. All of the ones I ordered so far up until today were either way too large or they fit well but were kind of short etc. and felt too cute. The one I got today fits well so I don't feel like I'm drowning in it but if I roll over a birth ball or something I don't feel like I'm exposing myself. This is labor performance wear 😎 and it's really the only piece of clothing I have bought for myself during pregnancy. Everything else has been acquired elsewhere. The one time I did try to buy myself a nice sweater they ended up sending me 2 so I returned one and got the one I still had for free :) If there's a pregnancy #2 I imagine that I will have to actually go shopping for it since I my not have the luxury to work in my pajamas all day. I've heard co-workers say that they have to put on "work clothes" sometimes to get motivated to work, which I don't get at all. Even if I wasn't preggers, I would 100% still be wearing pajamas all day every day until I had to turn my video on.

I have been pregnant for almost all of covid, which has been nice because its been a good distraction and something to focus on during these dull months, especially the winter. I can't complain about not having to commute over to Arlington right now. Now that baby is almost here though, I am especially ready for covid to be over. I am excited to have some extra time to spend with Smokey and I want to share the love and excitement in a more normal manner, but alas. 

My parents made it up to West VA to get their first course of the covid vaccine in epic fashion. I think they should share their vaccination story with a journalist...

My prenatal workout session ended last Saturday since I didn't know how I was going to be feeling going into week 39 and whether I was going to want to keep doing it or not. It's Tuesday now and I am missing the Tuesday night class. The instructors were fun and everyone would keep their videos on during the workout so there was always good mama energy. I'm definitely feeling more large and awkward by the day but that doesn't mean I can't shuffle my feet a little bit...

They say you aren't supposed to do this but I watched some additional live births on youtube. One of them was in a forest by a creek with some hippies or something and was VERY GRAPHIC. This video had 98 million views and comments were disabled. I'm very glad that I did not watch this video, or other things I've seen/watched in the beginning of the pregnancy because it's a little shocking but now that I'm near the end I feel like it's good to know what I'm getting myself into. I think I've done a good job with easing into the info I need and not getting too much at once. So now that I feel I've seen the big kahuna, I'm just going to twiddle my thumbs until this thing happens. 

strange dreams

 As I've been nearing the end of my pregnancy my good sleep has finally soured. I started waking up around 4am or so to pee and then have trouble falling back asleep, maybe my body is preparing me for late night feeds. Although as the week wore on I gradually started waking up a bit later and later and this morning I may have woken up once to pee but I didn't get really awake until 7am, so that was a win. I feel that whenever my body goes through a change it's rough for a few days and then eventually I adjust, although there's not much time to adjust now. So I was quite tired for the majority of this week. One night I took a nap at 7pm and missed my prenatal workout class but did not really care at all. Luckily I made it clear that I needed work to slow so my boss and co-workers have been responsive and it's doing just so right now. I was worried about going into labor stressed out, and how that would affect the birth experience as well as breastfeeding. I've heard that stress can impact milk production, etc. So at least I'm not super stressed at work now on top of being tired.

The big change in the last few days is that little chunks started to drop further into my pelvis to get ready for go time, so this is putting a lot of pressure on my bladder and also just making me feel realll big and pregnant. His head is jutting out of my low belly, I can literally feel it there. In general, I think I am finally just feeling undeniably preggers. 

One dream I had this week was incredibly strange. I think it's all just hormonal mother fears coming to the forefront. I had just given birth and the baby was smaller than expected. We took the baby home, which ended up being in a very large residence inside a skyscraper hotel. For some reason, we were really busy and we kept having trouble keeping track of where the baby was and were forgetting to feed him often. I think I've had a few dreams where I realized that I forgot to feed the baby. So at one point, I picked the baby up and his body was really skinny like stretch armstrong and kind of melting away. So that was horrible. So then I fed him  A LOT, and next thing I knew he looked a lot like a monkey. He had grown quite a bit of hair all over his body, and he had a full set of teeth that were locked in a cheshire smile. He also had these jewels on his cheeks that highlighted his simian-look. It was very alarming. But I was trying to stay positive and was trying to focus on how nice his pearly white teeth were. Mama fears manifested in a very bizarre way I guess..

have no fear, the end of the bump is near - week 38

DOGLET IS FINALLY THE SIZE OF A *SMALL* PUMPKIN. 

I have been waiting for this the entire pregnancy. So stoked to have a little pumpkin in my belly.

We made much progress on the kitchen/brick and are bringing it to a close. Last thing needed is to add the shelving in the pantry nook and it is DONE.

Because they were also painting the window trim, including in our bedroom, I had to spend part of the day literally working on our toilet. Luckily we have this tiny little wood chair in our room that was the perfect size for the space although a little small for pregs. I did not turn on video for any calls/meetings I had that day...

They also did a bunch of other stuff while here like getting rid of another weird archway, patching drywall in the soon to be nursery and elsewhere, painting, creating a door for our water closet so in the event of a water emergency we don't have to get out the toolbox to UNSCREW the panel from the wall, etc. etc. Would I do this again so close to my due date? No no. 

Here's the final look going into our kitchen while still a bit messy. Well I guess I'll go back to my normal size soon but now I can fit through this entryway with ease so problem solved there 🤣

I am now starting to see the midwife every week since I'm nearing the end. Everything is looking good and I have very few questions at this point- just mentally preparing myself for the birth and having a baby in our small but more awesome house now. They did want me to touch base with an anesthesiologist in case my back issues proves problematic during the birth- an epidural may need to be placed in a different location than normal, or they may need to try different spots. Zero desire for any of this to occur. Throughout the pregnancy my back hasn't been giving me much more problems than it normally does so I feel optimistic about it being fine, but it was good to get info from the anesthesiologist now just in case. 

I've been holding off on doing too much information overload on birth but I have been reading Ina May's hippy dippy "Guide to Childbirth" more in depth recently (props to Olivia on that one) and it has been making me feel very confident about going the midwife route and that it's going to be a good experience. However, I will say that I don't want to create too many expectations for the birth. I went on a walk with a neighbor last week who recently had her second child at home, and compared to her first one it sounded like it was painful and unenjoyable, but it was kind of helpful for me to learn from her experience. First, she said she didn't "surrender" to the birth and was trying to do things around the house in between contractions, and at one point she actually got freaked out about bringing a baby into the world as it currently is. So she wasn't in the right head space, and the book I'm reading talks a lot about your mindset during birth, and how different things can make labor regress. The other thing, which I kind of read between the lines, is I think she had very high expectations for this super empowering birth experience. I mentioned that I had watched some youtube videos of unmedicated births (the main thing was that it was useful for me to watch people during labor and how different people react to it) and she said that she refused to watch those videos because they were romanticized. I didn't quite get that sense from the videos (one woman literally passed out during it because she got so tired and had to get moved to a hospital bed) but I do generally know where she's coming from because I'm sure there's a bunch of "instagramesque" birth depictions you can find online. Then she started talking about warriors in battle and that's when I realized that she had put a lot on this birth to go and feel much differently than it did, which I feel bad about. If I had to guess, I'm probably going to have to zen out for the majority of the birth and go into "warrior mode" sparingly. I've already told Zach that if I get quiet he shouldn't assume that he's not needed it's just that I'm in the zone or something. But who knows, regardless, I am excited to experience birthhhh

I keep looking around the house and imagining a baby there now, like he's using his playmat, or Zach and I hanging out on the couch together with our baby  😍 It makes me so excited. It's still a little unbelievable and surreal though. Going through 3 seasons with Doglet marinating in my belly makes it feel like he has been in there forever. But it's going to be so much fun to go through this new stage in life with Zach since we always find a way to have a good time when we're together. 

Lastly I give you my post-swim look, which is when I come home from the pool and am not quite ready to take a shower, but I don't feel like totally getting out of my bathing suit so I just leave on the bikini top and put on my pajama pants. I guess I was walking around like this on the phone and Zach thought I looked like a hobo with my belly hanging out and army green cap on. This is my true self ok. That black fleece doesn't fit too well anymore.

snow on the bump- week 37

It feels like it hasn't really snowed in years but it's been snowing lightly all day, so tried to do a quick bump with the snow before our neighbor webby or someone walked by:

I've noticed that I engaged my core a lot to hold up the bump (probably a good thing with my back issue) so I also tried to do a pic totally relaxing it. It's a pretty big difference:

I'm not really sure if chunks has "dropped" or not yet. I think not because he seems to still be sitting pretty high. I started feeling pretty uncomfortable earlier this week, like really really preggers. I slept poorly a few nights because of really bad heartburn while sleeping. I think I was sleeping on my back a little bit for the duration of my pregnancy and I definitely can't do that anymore, it's side or bust. One night it was so bad I went to the couch and kind of propped myself up so I wouldn't be laying horizontally. I've also been getting pretty short but intense cramps that I'm assuming are Braxton Hicks contractions. They aren't too comfortableeee

Zach has really cracked me up sleeping the past few nights. I'm not sure if he is causing me to stir a bit occasionally but I woke up searching for my sleep mask because it had fallen off (we've been using them because after getting the windows replaced we still need to have the trim painted and don't want to put up new blackout shades until we do that), and almost immediately Zach whispered, "Are you looking for this?" and handed me my mask. It had to have been like 3am, very bizarre- I was taken aback. And then another night the pillow I use between my legs must have fallen out, and again I stirred to search for it and Zach was at the ready again and handed me my pillow. I'd like to think that he is attending to my every need right now... but most likely he's coming in late and waking me up. 

Last week at work verged on being way too much, I have this little renovation project I'm doing due on Tuesday, and if things don't ease up at that point I will talk to my boss. Working 40s is fine but I can't do the overtime right now. Friday was the worst because I was just ready to relax and I was getting all these chats/calls about a million things and felt like I was doing 1 things at once. I had booked a 6pm swim for that night for Zach and I, and I was REALLY looking forward to it after the long week. However, I had worked right up until we left and we ended up going to the wrong pool because I didn't have time to check, so we missed the swim. I will admit that after leaving the pool, I started crying. I was so frustrated that work is so busy right now and that it's so hard to get swim reservations (they literally get scooped in minutes of the slots opening up) so I had to book one at a different pool, and wasn't able to get another reservation until the following Wednesday.  But there was nothing I could do, so we returned home and I went back to work until about 9pm. At which point I called it quits and went downstairs and had a DANCE PARTY. Zach was present for the dance party but he must have been tired because he did not participate much.

"I Just Want to Fly" by Sugar Ray always puts me in a good mood so I started us off with that for a 90s dance party. That music video is terrible by the way, I had never seen it before. Dancing to "Country Grammar" by Nelly proved challenging and Missy Elliott was even harder. Eventually I got worn out and we watched some videos of people being songified by the Gregory Brothers. Chunks was swirling around in my belly after the dancing, he must have been feeling the tunes. I think this little baby is going to like foot rubs when he comes out- since his foot is always pressed on my abdomen I always give it (and my belly) a little massage. 

Contractors continued work on our house this weekend, we might actually get this done in time thanks to Zach really stepping up to help get this thing closed out. Closing everything else out this week might get delayed by the snow though. It was actually great having them here Saturday because it forced us to hide away in the disaster of a second bedroom (they'll be repainting it a light yellow soon for it to transform into the nursery) and clean it up and out. Usually I'm itching to go see what the contractors are up to but I had no desire on Saturday, I wanted to get this closed out. We kept our masks on the whole time and windows open but they didn't come upstairs at all. It looks so much better now. Again, a miracle that our house might be semi-decent when chunks arrives. 

We're making a small little pantry next to the brick where there is a cavity, since space is at such a premium in this house. This has been a really tricky part of the project with the details- there's wire going through back there that needed rerouting, there's the old wood lathe that we didn't know if we wanted to remove or not, how to deal with the unfinished floor there, the existing wall that doesn't line up with it, etc. etc. Possibly more of a headache than this amount of space is worth but I am proud that we have arrived at a solution and are just going for it. Also because of not being able to closely watch contractors I realized that our masonry guys did not seal the brick after repointing, which seems like a basic end result of repointing even though it wasn't specifically spelled out in the contract, and I didn't want to breathe the sealant so Zach did that on his own 👍 He had some experience from the brick I tuckpointed the mortar on myself, and we also had some leftover sealant from that. Glad he showed interest in helping out that time so this time I could not be present. Glad we just did that in general, it would have felt like a much bigger deal having to seal it if we hadn't. 

Okay now to enjoy the rest of the snow day with little Smokey